Darkness and Light

Sunday 25th November 2012


Today I embrace both darkness and light as part of not only my external reality but also my internal reality.  Samhain, November 1st marks the beginning of the Celtic New Year.  It is a time for stillness and darkness where seeds that are planted rest in the anticipation of light.

We too are beings in process, so we rest and learn to listen to the rhythms of nature.  We must be who we are not who we think we should be, or indeed who others think we should be.  We learn also to listen to ourselves, so that we can become more fully who we are.

'The world rests in the night. Trees, mountains, fields, and faces are released from the prison of shape and the burden of exposure. Each thing creeps back into its own nature within the shelter of the dark. Darkness is the ancient womb. Nighttime is womb-time. Our souls come out to play. The darkness absolves everything; the struggle for identity and impression falls away. We rest in the night.'

John O'Donohue
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom.

The Journey Towards The True Self

Saturday 24th November 2012

Today I ask the question how can I learn to be uniquely myself, to be comfortable in my own skin?
To do this, it seems that I must let go of the need for approval, or of an obsession with winning and losing. I must let go of the need for success and the fear of failure, and indeed also the fear of criticism.  I take great comfort from the following words which I came across from two people I greatly admire.  The first is Fr. Peter McVerry, a Jesuit priest who has worked all his life in the service of the poor and homeless in Dublin and who says like Mother Teresa of Calcutta that he does not pray for success, but asks instead to be faithful ‘I do not ask for success, I ask to be faithful.  If I am faithful, I am already successful and I cannot fail.’

Scripture always talks in terms of being fruitful rather than successful.  Being fruitful to me sounds more beneficial to everyone.   The seeds we plant, become the food that feeds us, that sustain life. Success sounds like it has a degree of vanity and narrow self interest attached to it.  I think today’s obsession with success focuses more on externals rather than genuine interiorarity  which lead to the peace we are all ultimately seeking, that peace that passes all understanding.

I remember as a spirituality student coming across a paper that stated that   “The goal of all inner work is to facilitate the emergence of the true self.”

This paper listed the five different stages of this process as follows;

1. To Understand Myself
2. To Forgive Myself
3. To Accept Myself
4. To Be Myself
5. To Forget Myself

I think there is much truth in this.  How liberating it is to take the focus off ourselves, but in order to be able to effectively be of service to others, we must first take care of ourselves and come to a degree of self acceptance, but at that point, I think it is crucial for our well being to move the focus beyond just self.

I conclude today’s reflection with the following prayer by St. Ignatius of Loyola. Such a prayer might bring up strong reaction in today’s world, and in fact parts of it in myself, if I’m being truly honest, which I strive to be in my writing. I hear myself almost saying, ‘come on fight and not heed the wounds’? Is such a thing possible?  I might find myself saying ‘come on is it healthy to toil and not seek rest, and to labour and not seek reward?  I can almost hear some people saying, ‘come on Rachael, are you living in the real world’ and yet what I take from this prayer is that when you are indifferent to results you become in a sense free of anxiety and what might have started off as seeming like an impossibly lofty ideal, unattainable by ordinary mortals becomes the very vehicle by which we gain our own happiness and liberation from suffering.


Prayer for Generosity (St. Ignatius of Loyola)

Lord, teach me to be generous.
Teach me to serve you as you deserve;
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labour and not to ask for reward,
save that of knowing that I do your will.

Success and Failure

Friday 23rd November 2012
In a world where we are often obsessed with success and failure and the pressure to succeed at all costs, I find the following prayer not only refreshing but humbling.
It is written on a bronze plaque on the wall of the Institute of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation in New York City by an unknown confederate soldier.

I asked God for strength that I might achieve.
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy.
I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

The Prayer of an Unknown Confederate Soldier

The Writing Dilemma

Thursday 22^nd November 2012

As I sit here wondering what will I write today, I’ve decided my offering for today are two poems, one from myself and another from a writing acquaintance called Christine Broe. I’m happy to say I’m in the same writing group as Christine, The Rathmines Writers Group.

Christine’s is a wonderful poem about the dilemma of no poem and she has given it the same title.  Mine is called Letters and it questions the validity of writing in the overall scheme of things:

No Poem

The pencil squiggles-

let it twist,

The line of words that come
come only from the wrist.

Eight bones -
the westerly most
resting on the page
as I face the window.

White space -
if I were a snail
my silvery afterthoughts
at least would leave a trail
to shine
in the absence of a poem.

White page -
product of some tree
sacrificed, bleached,
set out upon a table
for pulp fiction.

In a state of too much mind
where do I find

white space

where words will settle,

where feeling and image will copulate,
cause a silent echo

in their wake.

I am not the vessel for such gift
today.

I put the full stop here

© Christine Broe  2003 (taken from her collection Solas Sólás, published by Swan Press, 32 Joy St. Dublin 4)

Biography:  Christine Broe was born in Dublin in 1948.  She trained as an art teacher at NCAD, and after many years rearing a large family, trained as an art therapist at Crawford College, Cork.  She began writing during a temporary exile in Luxemburg.  Since returning to Dublin 1992 her poetry has received many awards, most notably, the inaugural Brendan Kennelly/Sunday Tribune Poetry Prize in  2001 and from Italy, the Premio Cittia di Olbia award in 2002.

Letters

'Oh it's writing you do is it?

Where do you get all the time'?

A telephone conversation

from a week ago.

'Yes, well, you know, I........,'

I make excuses for this excuse of a life,

feeling the uselessness of words,

the vanity and egoism behind them

and the certainty that they eventually

like ourselves vanish into thin air.

But this vanity, egoism or whatever

I choose to call it has a need or

a hunger to express itself,

And panic begins to form itself

in a heartfelt prayer

'Jesus I need to be good at something.

don't take this away from me please.'

And as I step into  the vacuum,

they call writers block with nothing

left to say, I attempt a bargaining plea,

'well you could always write your words

through me.'

Yes indeed, writing, words, letters,

the letters of the alphabet

arranging themselves across the page

from the A for abundance

to the Z for zilch.

I know the reason for this latest crises

if such a trivial matter can be called such a thing,

I suspect my conscience recoils

 at the luxury of letters.

Pen in hand,

Paper at the desk,

warm clothes on my body,

and food in my belly.

Praise and criticism alike on

the comments page of the website,

While parts of the world erupt in chaos,

and so many do the real work of helping

to relieve suffering.

'Oh, it's writing that you do, is it?'

©Rachael Stanley

Second Day Along The Dodder

Wednesday  21^st November 2012

Another lovely day, I enjoyed once again walking by the river:

hearing the heartbeat
of the river
I stop and listen

a heron in the
weeping willow
teaches me stillness

at a low ebb
the rapids
have slowed down

racing ahead
the labrador takes
his mistress for a jog

Along the Dodder

Tuesday 20th November 2012

Oh the joy of being alive on these beautiful mornings. I’m lucky to live close by the River Dodder and there are some beautiful walks along its banks. My reflections today come in the form of haiku.

autumn morning

the sun follows me
along the path

More Questions

Monday November 19th:

I had taken a few steps outside my door today with the intention of going for walk when I instantly turned back towards the house. When I was reminded that the brilliant sunshine was making me squint, I thought I had better go back to look for my sunglasses.

I looked in all the usual places but no sign of them. I was on the point of giving up and saying this is a waste of time and a waste of the precious sunshine which I was eager to get out into when suddenly I found myself hovering around the magazine rack in my sitting room and then the memory came to me instantly, of about a week or two ago, of tidying out my bag and putting my reading glasses into their case and then I put something on top of the magazine rack which fell down at the back of it.

Now the magazine rack is almost up against the wall, but not fully so, thereby creating a little gap for something to fall off it. The rack is only small and light with a fairly narrow table top so it’s easy for something to fall off it. I could suddenly recall having said to myself at the time, you should pick that up now while you think of it because chances are if you don’t, you’ll forget about that and then be looking for it at some later stage. This little inner prompting was instantly ignored by a kind of lazy, ah I’ll do it later type of attitude; Just a stubborn refusal to budge. It would have taken half a second to lean over and pick up whatever it was that had fallen. Such a small thing to do and such a small thing to write about and in case any of you might admonish me for being too hard on myself, which is a very new age kind of love yourself type of thing that’s preached at people these days for good old fashioned examination of conscience, I would maintain that it is vital to be ruthlessly honest with ourselves, not beating oneself up as people might call it but recognizing every small little action has a result, and the result might not be to my ultimate benefit.

At the stage I was looking today, all I knew was that I had dropped something at the back of the magazine rack and that it may or may not be the sunglasses. Anyway I was thrilled when I found them; that usual sort of pleasure you get from finding something you’ve lost, but also thrilled for another reason because to me it represented a lesson that life was trying to teach me and which I’ve already written about a few days ago in this blog about following that instinct to do what I’m being prompted to do at the time, rather than say, oh yeah, I’ll do it in a minute.

Now when I write about doing instantly what I’m being prompted to do in the moment, I must equally recognise that this does not mean doing everything I’m being prompted to do in the moment. This is where the spiritual practice of discernment comes in and unlike the prompting mentioned above to follow a simple inner command to pick up the glasses now, or sit down and write now, I must equally distinguish between other types of instant action that is more to do with reaction and making assumptions without first finding out the facts, the type of instant reactions that lead to arguments and misunderstandings which we may later regret and while I’m on this topic, I find myself asking the question does failure in one area lead to failure in another area. If one is used to giving in to one’s whims and not having sufficient will power, does it lead to lack of control in one’s emotional life, over reacting, judging, flying off the handle, taking things personally and making assumptions.

So a while back I was in a book shop and lifted up a book simply called Willpower by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney. You may agree or disagree, but something in this description makes me feel I’m being pointed in the right direction.

The description of the book on Amazon is as follows;

Pioneering research psychologist Roy F. Baumeister collaborates with New York Times science writer John Tierney to revolutionize our understanding of the most coveted human virtue: self-control. Drawing on cutting-edge research and the wisdom of real-life experts, Willpower shares lessons on how to focus our strength, resist temptation, and redirect our lives. It shows readers how to be realistic when setting goals, monitor their progress, and how to keep faith when they falter. By blending practical wisdom with the best of recent research science, Willpower makes it clear that whatever we seek—from happiness to good health to financial security—we won’t reach our goals without first learning to harness self-control.

A strong man masters others. A truly wise man masters himself.

Taoist saying