Be Not Afraid

Tuesday 27th November 2012

My day started today with an attempt to meditate.  It’s a practice I’m trying to develop on a daily basis. I’ve been trying on and off for a few years, but never really sticking at it.  Yes, I’m afraid it seems to be a major flaw in my character, not sticking at things and of course I equally know that there is no-one standing over me waving a big stick ready to beat the s..t out of me for failing to do this.

I’ve come to this  choice in life  from my own free will, because I’m basically sick to death of being afraid of everything in life including my own shadow, so when I sit down to meditate, half way between trying to bring my mind back continually to the mantra, which changes every few seconds from ma ra na tha, Christian meditation to So hum, the vibrational sound of the breath, ( and not a good idea from a meditation point of view to chop and change methods like this) back to ‘ I’ve got so much to do, I better make out a list of what I have to do,’ or what should I do next,’ and all the countless jumble that goes on in my head, when I suddenly launch into my prayer of desperation and I seem to internally hear ,‘be not afraid’ It just seems to come out of the silence, ‘be not afraid’ and calmness descends in amongst the clutter.

Now before I’m accused of insanity by saying I hear voices, not a wise thing to say in an aggressively secular world that is presently throwing off the shackles of institutionalized religion, I would like to try and explain that  the way I define this internal voice I hear is that I think this is the  intuitive knowledge of the cosmic Christ dwelling within, the soul, the true self, the part that occasionally if we’re lucky, and if we try hard enough, we can have access to and that reminds us that even though everything is a mess, all is well.  Yes, quite a paradox I know, but nonetheless true.

Anyway I concluded my attempts at meditation with some heartfelt prayers and then after breakfast, I set off to Stephen’s funeral and the hymn that Marion his daughter , sang at the Offertory of the Mass was ‘Be Not Afraid’.

Later when  I came home,I switched on the computer to check up on emails,  messages and posts on facebook and  I found a video that was in some way linked to a friend’s promotional video for his art exhibition. As I finished listening to Ed’s video, I clicked into another one that I thought was also by Ed, but discovered it was by someone I did not recognise, but like Ed's it was on a spiritual theme, and it showed the sun setting over the sea, and what did I see next, but the words in white letters printed on the screen 'do not let your hearts be troubled', quite randomly and by chance or was it?

These were the first words that came to me after my prayer of desperation earlier this morning ‘do not let your hearts be troubled’ followed by ‘be not afraid’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeTpISSA5x8