Unavoidable Questions From Wednesday

Reflection                                Thursday 15th November                                                                                         

                             

As a follow on from Wednesday’s reflection, one thing occurred to me, if I had attended to this writing and posting on Wednesday , the same day I was on the bike and the same day I got the inner prompting to do this,  I would not now be a day behind with my daily reflections.   

So why did I not follow through on my own inner prompting?  Why did I not follow the command from the higher self or soul and instead succumb to the desire for escape and comfort, to lounge about a bit more, to escape  to that nice little café up the road to have yet again another daily cappuccino  or to escape into the kitchen to have some biscuits that I didn’t really need and to while away the day being  compelled to live from habit rather than take the risk of something a bit daunting and scary?  Why did I linger in bed for an extra hour because I dreaded getting up and facing into the day?

Are we affected by every simple little choice we make?  What choices leave us feeling disappointed? What choices bring us peace and a feeling of accomplishment?  Have we wasted time that could have been used to greater advantage?

No sooner do I ask these questions, but I tell myself well I could change the date of Wednesday’s reflection to Thursday the 15^th, which is cheating and would not satisfy my obsessive compulsion with the need for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, simply because the reflection belonged to Wednesday and at some level, it was important to me to document it as belonging to Wednesday. Alternatively I could write two reflections for today and risk making my readers if I continue to have them  yawn,which they may  well be possibly doing anyway.

So now I have to ask the question, why was the need to linger on in bed today much stronger, and of course I know the answer to that question lies in the fact that I now feel I have publicly locked myself into some type of commitment I can’t easily run away from, because now at least, my sixty four friends or so on face book will see that I am a fraud and  a phony  or someone not to be taken seriously, unless I keep my word, and so I now recognize in the cold glaring light of day, it is difficult to embrace change, difficult to let go of old ways that no longer serve us, but something deep inside us knows, we must at least keep trying, and for any of us who might have a struggle as I continually do between apathy and enthusiasm, I dedicate my poem below:

The Silent Voice

I wake up and greet the day
with a sense of knowing what
needs to be done.

My daily struggle begins
between apathy and enthusiasm.
yet something, or someone urges me on,
I cannot really say who or what it is .

A quiet voice perhaps that will not
be silenced.

A voice that will never leave me.

A voice that urges me to plumb
the depths like a fish,
and to embrace the sky like a lover.

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”    T. S. Eliot